ROBOCOP 3

Paul Verhoeven's 1987 ROBOCOP was a terrific movie. It was dark, violent, original and the humor was black. And it included Kurtwood Smith doing one of the coolest ad-libs in a movie, with the blood-spitting followed by the line "Give me my fucking phone call". If for some reason there are people out there who haven't seen the film, remember to watch the uncut version.

ROBOCOP 2 came out three years later in 1990. Peter Weller reprised his role as RoboCop. The movie was bad but it did have some cool scenes and the warehouse scene with new Cain was pretty chilling when I saw it as a kid. The movies in the original Star Wars trilogy were released three years apart so the third RoboCop came out three years after RoboCop 2...

The Plot: Lewis (Nancy Allen) is killed so Murphy (Robert John Burke) joins the resistance and Omni Consumer Products wants him terminated.

You know you've got hell to go through when ED-209 is re-programmed by a little girl with a laptop to say stuff like "I am now authorized to be loyal as a puppy" and "Eat lead, suckers!".

RoboCop 3 is a comedy more than anything else. All the darkness and graphic violence from the first two movies are long gone. Almost everything Murphy lets out of his mouth is supposedly a comic one-liner. They have some familiar characters from the previous movies for instance "tastes like babyfood" Johnson, Sergeant Reed and the news anchor who gives us the world in three minutes. Much of the music is recycled from the first movie.

Best of dialogue:

Splatterpunk #1: Clock it, Jack! Megazone invasion!

Splatterpunk #2: Pop a tranq, hypo head. Splatterville's ours. Shoot him in the mouth, splatter brain.

Splatterpunk #1: Cyborg eats bullets, Jack!

Splatterpunk #2: Not tonight, he don't.

Cool stuff: RoboCop catches a bullet between his fingers. He flies with his jetpack Ironman style. The end fight is against cyborg ninjas called Otomos. Oh, and remember the scene from Sergio Leone's FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE where Lee Van Cleef kept Clint Eastwood's hat in the air by shooting at it a few times? Here RoboCop does that to a man's pistol.

Familiar faces:

Jeff Garlin (CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM) as "Donut Jerk"

JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY

It was tough enough to watch part five that didn't even have Jason in it and now you're supposed to enjoy watching a Jason movie with Jason's "spirit" or whatever murdering people by going from body to body. I mean it's not like they ran out of ideas since they had like two and recycled them over and over in the previous Friday movies. Still the alien/basket case-spirit of Jason did enter a dead waitress through her vagina which was unexpected.

Half a shitty horror movie, half a shitty clone of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS. I know John Woo knows how to use slow-motion in HARD-BOILED, THE KILLER and A BETTER TOMORROW but they don't work on this flick that well. This one does have the tightest ass of the series (the female agent in the beginning) and the best make-up effects. This movie looks great on Steven Williams' resume next to THE BLUES BROTHERS and THE X-FILES TV-series. They have put some weird shit on this one, like the Necronomicon from the EVIL DEAD series and Freddy Krueger's hand played by the director himself . Jason went to hell, I wish the sole copy of this movie had beaten him to it.

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN

Ok, so part VII wasn't exactly The Godfather part 2, but how about part VIII? I must say this was a slight improvement because it was fun seeing our boy making entrances in such places as a diner, subway and the sewers. It's a change.

This time every mother's favorite son-in-law Jason Voorhees is awaken from his watery grave by electricity (in part V by lightning, this time by a power cord). He roams the corridors of this cruise ship full of graduating teens heading to New York and as you know it, he hacks them all into pieces. Speaking of power chords - the first highlight of this movie is Jason killing a MTV music video rock wannabe with her own axe, a Flying V model. The second takes place on a rooftop in Manhattan where this black boxer kid punches Jason maybe 30-40 times and when he can't K.O. the hockey-masked avenger he says "take your best shot, you motherfuck". Jason swings once and the kid's head flies right off and falls down from the roof and into a dumpster. Classic. Peter Mark Richman who plays the old man Charles really can't act at all in this movie.

I know it doesn't say much but I enjoyed this entry the most of the Friday movies. I'm sure it's not really a movie for the fans of the series but it was just nice to see Jason in some other enviroment than the woods. Plus there were some comic moments here and there, like the abovementioned pugilist scene.

WARNING! If you miss a note on your C major scale, Jason will call you for it:

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD

Since today is friday the 13th I decided to continue watching the movies of the series. It's been a long and painful road but I'm already on part VII.

This girl with telekinetic powers accidentally resurrects Jason from the bottom of the lake where he's been for years. And so the killing spree begins. Only this time in the end the main chick tries to kill Jason a few times. Have you ever wondered why Jason has the time and effort to drag his victims all around the place, hang them in trees and such only to kill the person who's scared of them a second later? He's dumb, I say. The ending on this one has to be the stupidest in the series so far. So the main girl uses her telekinesis to resurrect her dead dad from the lake to get Jason. Not cool.

99% the same shit as before this. Crystal Lake, teenagers partying, fucking and dying from Jason's machete. Although this time he uses other items too like a power tool. I also noticed that this time there's a shot of Jason getting close to his victims before he sends them to hell. Sadly T&A quotient is low on this one.

Body count: 16.